So It's Cold as a Bitch Outside...

... and there's no reason to venture out of doors. What to do? Peep my column for the January issue of VIP (and eat every carb in sight, New Year's diet be damned! Wait-- no? So just me, then?)!

“A Clean Start”

Happy New Year! Wow, 2009 sure went by quickly. Hopefully you all rang in the new year beautifully. Now, it’s back to reality: back to school, back to the gym, and back to basics with your skin and makeup routine. The most essential piece of this puzzle is cleanser. Let’s discuss.

Finding the right cleanser for you can be a daunting task. If you recall, I hit the high points back in September as to how to determine your skin type (oily, dry, combination, sensitive). From that point, you have a couple decisions to make: do you want to remove makeup and cleanse in one step? Do you like a bar soap, a liquid, a gel? Are you looking for a foaming cleanser or a non-sudsing milk or oil? Decide what you like, and which option you’ll be most likely to make a habit morning and night.

Personally, I like a one-step, do-it-all cleanser that will even take off mascara. For that, there are many options, and I have three favorites. Yon-Ka Gel Nettoyant is exceedingly gentle, yet removes absolutely everything with a lovely, non-irritating lather. Next, we have DHC Deep Cleansing Oil, an awesome all-in-one that’s best applied onto a completely dry face and rinses everything away. Finally, we have Cor Silver soap, a revolutionary bar soap that doesn’t irritate and makes use of silver, Chitosan, and collagen to offer makeup-dissolving, bacteria-busting benefits. Cor soaps aren’t cheap, but they last forever, and even the last teeny-tiny shard will lather up beautifully.

For those of you willing to remove makeup and cleanse in separate steps, you simply HAVE to try the Babor system. The first step is HY-OL, a water-soluble oil that dissolves the day away. The next step, Phytoactive, is selected according to your skin type and is applied on top of HY-OL. You swirl the lovely combo over your whole face, rinse, and ta-da! Beautifully clean skin! I’d say it’s worth the extra step at night, but I just can’t be bothered during the week (read: I’m lazy). Don’t let that stop you-- try it. Another option is Take the Day Off by Clinique. Offered in a balm and a liquid, Take the Day Off does a great job of sending makeup and dirt down the drain. Follow up with one of their famously-gentle cleansers-- I like the Rinse-Off Foaming Cleanser.

If you’re one of those waterproof-mascara wearers, you need an eye makeup remover in addition to your cleansing routine. Lancome has a great one in Bi-Facil, a gentle lipid-and-water combo that has been dissolving my special-occasion eye makeup for years. A tip: take off eye makeup prior to cleansing, as bi-phase removers like Bi-Facil and Take the Day Off can leave an oily residue. (For this reason, they’re also NOT the best way to correct eye makeup mistakes. Better to use a cotton swab doused in either facial moisturizer or eye cream to gently erase the occasional errant mascara smudge.)

You lovelies in search of a cleanser/exfoliant combo can rest easy: you have options! Clarins One-Step Gentle Exfoliating Cleanser is pure genius, and is a sunny orange color-- perfect for brightening up dreary winter mornings. Philosophy Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash also takes basic cleanser up a notch, thanks to antioxidants. Another fave is Therapy Systems Amazingly Gentle Scrub, a lovely pink gel that uses jojoba beads and uplifting grapefruit oil to take scaly skin off your mind. Another tip: please don’t get any exfoliant anywhere near your eyes. It’s not pretty.

For those of you with fragile, sensitive skin, take heart (and bless your heart): there are several cleansers out there with your names on them! I’ve found that the gentlest cleansers aren’t always the best at removing eye makeup (with the exception of Yon-Ka), so you may want to invest in a separate remover. That said, Clarins Cleansing Milk and Environ Interactive Cleansing Cream do a bang-up job of cleansing without causing a fuss. Our friends at Philosophy offer Purity Made Simple, another fabulous option for temperamental skin. Avoid any artificial fragrances and harsh exfoliants whenever possible. My secret for exfoliating sensitive skin? Sugar and honey. It works like a dream! So lather up, ladies!


Buying Guide
Yon-Ka: Wax Nashville
DHC: www.dhccare.com
Babor: Brentwood Salon and Day Spa
Clinique, Lancome, and Clarins: Dillard’s
Philosophy and Therapy Systems: Private Edition
Environ: www.firstforskincare.com

December VIP Column

Now that the December issue of VIP is out, I can post my column! Hope you enjoy it!

“Holiday Survival Guide”

Brace yourself: the holidays are here. In true million-miles-an-hour holiday-season fashion, here are a few tips designed to help you get through (and actually enjoy!) the season in style-- and looking gorgeous!

* No time to go home to change before a weeknight holiday shindig? Pack some evening-appropriate accessories and makeup in your purse that morning. Belk, Dillard’s, and Macy’s have collar necklaces, jewel-encrusted cuffs, and shoulder-duster earrings that will make your jaw drop and are perfect for taking an outfit from day to night. (Pick two of the three to avoid looking like a jewelry-store mannequin.) If your party is more conservative, sling on a feathered or crystal headband and some sparkly stud earrings. Bump up your lipstick, refresh your perfume, throw on a pair of killer heels, and you’re good to go.
* If your makeup must go the distance, smooth on Clarins Beauty Flash Balm under your foundation, and prepare to be amazed. This wonder balm keeps makeup looking fresh all day long. All. Day. Long.
* Highlight bone structure with Benefit High Beam for a candlelilt glow. Add some to your body lotion to accentuate bare shoulders and legs. Therapy Systems Glycolic Body Treatment is the perfect prep for smooth skin all over.
* My favorite stocking stuffer of all time is Shu Uemura’s eyelash curler. It may be the best fifteen dollars you’ll ever spend!
* Pressed for time when it comes to shopping for girlfriends? Throw a get-together! No gifts, just enjoy each others’ company. Have a theme: a Champagne social, a Little Black Dress party, or even a Charity Potluck (everyone brings literature from a favorite charity-- you swap, then give). Mix together a pitcher of Poinsettias to get the party going: for each person, combine a half-ounce of Cointreau and three ounces of cranberry juice. Pour into flutes, and top with Champagne. Delicious.
* If you actually have time to shop for girlfriends/ sisters/ etc., hit up Cosmetic Market for awesome gift sets by Bare Escentuals, Bliss, Philosophy, Urban Decay, Smashbox, and OPI. This is a perfect opportunity to take advantage of those holiday gift sets to introduce someone to your favorite brand! If you’re still at a loss, gift cards are perfect for teachers, neighbors, or anyone else who enjoys pampering herself.
* While you’re at Cosmetic Market, ask Melissa or Chelsea to give you a holiday makeover. Make sure you check out the fabulous Lipstick Queen line-- my new obsession is the shade called Goodbye. Angie at the Belk Bobbi Brown counter is also a genius-- stop by before your next party and let her bring out your gorgeous.
* Stressed? Join the club! (Kidding!) Let Kim or Reginald at Massage Envy Cool Springs work out the tension, or head over to Pena MD for a DermaSweep facial. Ahhh!
* Did last night’s party leave you hitting the snooze button a few too many times? Fake a good hair day with Pssst! This genius dry shampoo, found at Walgreen’s, absorbs oil and excess product and gives hair lift, all for about six bucks. Throw a packet of Emergen-C (also at Walgreen’s) in a glass of water first thing the “morning after” for an energy boost that won’t leave you dehydrated or jittery like coffee can.
* While you’re doing all that shopping, snag a little “happy” for yourself: my favorites are Bliss Glamour Gloves and Softening Socks. Throw them on over your favorite moisturizer before you go to bed and wake up to petal-soft hands and feet-- perfect for those cocktail rings and strappy gladiator heels!
* For the ultimate stress relief, get yourself to Lighthouse Yoga Studio for a Slow Flow or Ashtanga Mix class. Misty, Kaleah, and the gang can work out the kinks like noone else.
* In lieu of gifts for your coupled friends, plan a Dinner Club night at one of the many fabulous Williamson County restaurants: Boxwood Bistro, Sol, Red Pony, and Wild Iris are just a few of the wonderful establishments that provide a festive and fun environment for a holiday get-together. Even better: cruise Wal-Mart before dinner for toys and sundries to donate to Toys for Tots or the Salvation Army.
* You’re invited to The Holiday Party, and you need The Outfit. No problem: hit up Haven for the ultimate in Hollywood-meets-Franklin boho chic, and Emmaline for luxury-trendy staple brands like Nanette Lepore and Tracy Reese. Combine high-end with economical by piling on necklaces from Target or Kohl’s.
* Finally, take at least one night to gather your family and friends close, pop a bottle of your favorite vintage, and enjoy the season. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle this time of year. Remember that it’s all about the things that money can’t buy: spending time and showing love to those you cherish, and helping those in need. Happy Holidays, Williamson County!

Random Holiday Weekend Musings

So, first things first: I've spent the last ten-or-so days test-driving the latest thing in foundation, Lancome Oscillation Powerfoundation. I normally love my ass some mineral-powder foundation for its purity and natural sunscreen, and y'all know the borderline-unhealthy obsession I have with their oscillating mascara primer (seriously, if you haven't gotten some yet, what the hell is wrong with you?). It seemed only natural that I would fall completely butt-crazy in love with this stuff.

I'm not really there yet.

It takes some getting used to, to say the least. Initially, there was the issue of getting the right shade without the benefit of testers at the Lancome counter. (What? It was new, and I had to have it. I don't need no stinkin' tester!) Turns out, that was unfortunate-- the shade I initially picked was too light, and made my look even more ghostly than normal. I had to wait a few days to return the wrong shade and get the right one with the help of the stinkin' tester. One shade darker was all I needed, contrary to the Lancome lady's opinion. (Um, Lancome lady? I've been rocking this pasty-assed skin for thirty-odd years. When I say a shade you're showing me is too dark, I can promise you with absolute certainty that it will be too dark. You persisted, and almost lost an arm in the process, because your pushiness was pissing me off. And guess what? It was too dark! Crazy!)

I learned after a few go-rounds a couple things: one, that your skin must be completely dry and any product(s) you use before OP must be completely absorbed. Two, that it's really not meant for covering under-eye circles. Any eye cream (and yes, you absolutely need eye cream) will roll up under the vibrating sponge applicator. Third, you don't want to slap this stuff on with a heavy hand, lest you want to look masky and fake and corpse-like. (If, however, that's your thing, go nuts. It's your world.) I've gotten it to look pretty natural on my cheeks and forehead, and am still working on the nose. I have no idea why it ends up looking weird on my nose, but whatever. Oh, and you might want to consider a water atomizer (Walgreen's usually has little ones by Evian) to gently spritz over your face when using any powder foundation to avoid that afore-mentioned corpsey look.

Here's the thing: this stuff is, like, almost fifty bucks. Me no likey pay that kind of coin for something that doesn't just knock my socks clean off. (I'd happily pay twice that for the Oscillation mascara primer, and will live on Ramen if it ever comes to that to support my habit.) So whatever. I'll use every last bit of it to get my money's worth, but I don't necessarily have to like it.

Moving on: the pushy Lancome lady who was determined to put me in a shade of foundation meant for, say, Halle Berry got me thinking. I intensely dislike people pushing beauty products who don't know their shit. This unfortunately happens all the time, what with all the Retail Fetusus (Feti?) trolling Sephora and the like. I once went for mascara at the same Lancome counter a few years ago, and was asked if I wanted to try their newest formula, "L'Extreme." I didn't buy or even try it on principle, only because the young thing working me pronounced it "LAY-ExTREEM." Honey-bunny, I'm trying really hard not to come off as a snob here, but I'm pretty sure it's pronounced something along the lines of "lecks-TREHM." Do your friggin' homework before trying to sell me thirty-dollar stuff.

The worst example I ever encountered would have been hilarious, if it wasn't so sad: I was cruising the Cosmetic Market, a local boutique that I normally love. A fetus approached, rocking glitter eyeliner and a side part strategically positioned oh, I don't know, an inch-and-a-half above her ear, and asked if she could help. (I doubt it, but this should be good.) Yes, I guess so, I replied. I'm looking for some new eyeshadow shades, and want to know what's the latest and greatest. She asked me, as well-intentioned as her little adolescent heart was, the following:

"Right. So, like, do you like shimmery shadow, or are you looking for something MATE?"

Wait, what?

Is "mate" a formula with which I'm not familiar? And if so, how did I miss it?

Is Mate a new brand? Do I need to try it? Did she mean did I want to look for lip shades that are good mates? Good matches? Do I need to get a hearing aid?

Oh.... oh, okay. I get it. I wish I didn't, and I'm not buying a damn thing from this fetus, but I get it. And I just couldn't help myself.

"Honey, don't you mean 'MATTE'?"

"Right, yeah."

I answered a fake phone call that I just HAD to take and left. I drove home, mouth agape and brows knitted, repeatedly blinking and saying, "mate?! MATE?!" Yes, mate. She actually thought that eyeshadow without shimmer particles in it was called "mate." And there you have it. People who don't know their shit. I guess it's for my own good, because my addiction to all things beauty would be even more all-consuming if every person in beauty retail REALLY knew his or her shit, but I digress. And to this day do not wear "mate" eyeshadow.

I Always Get Sucked In...

... hoping that the people at Maybelline will finally get their heads out of their asses and make a good mascara, and I'm always left disappointed, bitter, and pissed. I've tried COLOSSAL (um, it was very NOT colossal-- they should have named it "CRAP-LOSSAL"), Pulse Perfection (better than Colossal-- although naked lashes are better than that garbage-- but still clumpy and not worth the fifteen bucks you save versus the department store vibrating mascaras), and yesterday I decided to try Great Lash BIG.

First: seriously, Maybelline, you can capitalize any product name you want, it won't make said product work any better. 'Kay?

Second: I'm sure there are plenty of y'all who love and are loyal to the original Great Lash. I mean, it's on Allure magazine's "Best of Beauty" list every year. Every. Friggin'. Year. I'm sure, for those of you who have the slightest bit of substance to your lashes, it's positively the bee's knees. If you feel that way, might want to just stop reading here and go do something else. No harm, no foul-- but come back soon, I have lots of other crap to discuss.

So I gave it a shot hoping that, at less than five bucks, it would rival Lash Blast in producing a fat fringe at an even cheaper price. I would be wrong. It's okay at best, and certainly doesn't give me BIG lashes. Furthermore, it took me longer to layer it on to get a decent result that what I can get with just a few swipes of Lash Blast. I guess if you only have five bones to spare on mascara, have at it. But don't expect miracles.

First, Facebook, Next... Twitter?

Hey ladies! I finally figured out how to create a Facebook page for this little blog, and already have FOURTEEN fans! Woo! (Okay, so I sent an invitiation to become a fan to just about every female I'm friends with on FB, but whatever-- they could have ignored. Fourteen of them didn't! Hooray!)

I'm currently in the throes of writing my column for the December issue of VIP Williamson, which is going to be a breathless holiday beauty survival guide. I'll post it as soon as I finish. In the meantime, here's the November entry, in which I give some major props and thanks for those products that completely and thoroughly own my ass.

Give “Beauty-ful” Thanks

We all have so much to be thankful for, and there’s nothing like gathering with family and friends to eat, visit, reflect, and (if you’re like my family) eat some more. The Beauty Junkie is also thankful for my beauty-product faves, those I return to again and again. Here’s my list of products for which I’m truly thankful—read and learn.

Clarisonic cleansing brush. I love this thing. Like a Sonicare for your face, it deep-cleans without stripping or irritating. It comes in normal- and sensitive-skin options, works with any cleanser (you get a trial-size cleanser with the brush), and even beeps when it’s time to move from one area of your face to the next. It also works miracles on self-tanning mistakes and spots that need non-abrasive exfoliation. It’s simply cleansing nirvana, and gives you brighter, more even-toned skin in the process. Seriously.

Rodial Glam Balm. I’ve can’t say enough about the little tube with a million uses. It ain’t cheap, but lasts a while, and does wonders on just about every part of your body that needs some TLC. Castor seed oil and pomegranate extracts do wonders for dry lips, cuticles, eyelids, nostrils, and skin that generally needs a boost. I’ve even rubbed the tiniest bit between my palms to smooth out the ends of my hair. I’ve used it on top of lipstick for shine, and under it in winter months for to smooth over dryness. In the highest elevations in Colorado, I applied it every night as a deeply hydrating mask, and every morning as a moisturizing makeup base. I’ve used it on razor burn. I could keep going, but you get it. I keep a tube in my bathroom and a tiny pot in my purse, and pray that the smart people at Rodial keep it coming. Love!

Lancome Oscillating Powerbooster and Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara. I’m sure y’all are sick to death of reading about my tried-and-true favorite mascara-and-primer combo, but you’ll just have to deal. Lash Blast is far and away the best all-around mascara. It gives the department-store formulas a run for their money (literally—Lash Blast costs all of seven dollars), and produces full, fat lashes. Waterproof, different shades, sparkly Lash Blast Luxe, lengthening Lash Blast Length—you name it, it has it. As for Powerbooster, nothing else primes, separates, and prepares lashes quite like it. Its price counteracts the affordability of Lash Blast, but it’s just quite simply worth every penny. I adore them, end of story.

Comptoir Sud Pacifique Vanille Abricot. It’s a mouthful, but it’s also the name of the best-smelling perfume ever. The entire line of Comptoir fragrances uses Tahitian vanilla paired with different elements, each of which is downright lovely. Vanille Abricot basically smells like birthday cake, but in a very grown-up, non-sickening way. When wearing it, I usually hear someone say, “Wow—I smell cake!” while looking around expectantly. (I’ve yet to find another perfume that brings about such happiness.) It’s truly unique, and smells delightful on just about everyone. I once found the body lotion at TJ Maxx, and you’d have thought I’d won the lottery. If you don’t want to invest in the standard-size spray, snag a purse-size one for around twenty bucks at Sephora. You’ll love it, I promise.

Paula Dorf Baby Eyes eye pencil, Cargo Eyelighter, and Anastasia Tinted Brow Gel. We’ve all heard of using eyeliner on the inner lower rims of our eyes, but the results can be bewildering. Dark colors shrink the eyes, and white can look chalky and fake. Baby Eyes comes in the perfect shade of beige that does absolute wonders for opening the eyes and faking the eight-hours-of-sleep look. Ditto the Eyelighter, a dual-ended sponge-tip pen that has matte powder on one end and shimmer on the other. I use the matte shade under my brows and at the outer corners of my eyes for lift, and the shimmery shade in the inner corners to highlight. Perfection. For a finished look, the Tinted Brow Gel is the best I’ve ever found for keeping unruly hairs at bay. It also subtly fills in any sparse spots and lasts all day without being stiff. You want to see me panic? Steal my Anastasia brow gel.

Finally, and most importantly, I’m thankful for all my beautiful readers and to VIP for letting me pen this little column! Fewer things give me such joy, and for that, thank you. Xoxo

Buying Guide

Clarisonic, Comptoir Sud Pacifique, Cargo, and Anastasia: Sephora

Rodial: Woo Cosmetics

Lancome: Belk

Cover Girl: Local drugstores

Paula Dorf: The Cosmetic Market

Lawd!

So those of you who share my Facebook addiction have by now learned that I again find myself under the weather (what IS it about the first week in October that pisses off my body so much?!). This time? I'm on my freaking vacation with my freaking family in freaking Hilton Head. Here I sit, with oodles of time on my hands (while Hubs, Sis, et. al. live it up at a Packerbacker bar-- Hubs is a bit psychotic when it comes to Green Bay football), yet I cannot even motivate myself to take a shower-- wait, a freaking shower. When I do, however, I plan to do so with a Shower Steamer by Hydrasoap. My mommy found these cute little bath-bomb-esque tablets in an also-cute shop in Harbour Town and snapped up several as stocking stuffers. I played pitiful long enough to make her give me the one named "Clarity" containing eucalyptus and peppermint. I envision magically opened sinus cavities and an unburdened chest, all in the convenience of a hot shower, and all for less than five bucks. Sweet! If you're interested, peep their website here. They have all kinds of cute bath and shower products. I think you have to register in order to buy stuff from the website, so come up with a funny username, like clownpenis.fart. Do it. Please. I need something to laugh about; well, at least something that doesn't make me laugh so hard that I end up coughing up a lung.

P.S.-- This post is my first one from my fancy new MacBook! Who's fancy? I'M FANCY! (Well, not really, but I did have a Best Buy giftcard, and didn't officially have a personal laptop, but since I feel so crappy, I've decided to convince myself that I'M FANCY in hopes that it lifts the hacky coughy spirits.)

I Got Ya Friction Riiiiiight Ovah Here.

Hello, strangers. I was gently motivated to contribute a new tidbit by my sweet mommy (though she totally didn't mean it that way), who recently asked, "Have you put anything new in your blog recently? I haven't seen anything..." Um, no, Mama, I haven't. I figure the least I can do is proffer a few words for Mama and all my other peeps to chew on for a few minutes. So here goes:

Have we talked about Tarte's fRxtion (pronounced "friction") yet? No? Oh goodness, set your alarm and go get some in the a.m. It may be the best twelve bucks you'll ever spend. This fabulous lip-scrub-and-balm combo is packaged in a split stick that has a mirror built into the cap (um, Fabulous, party of one...). One side is a sugar scrub in an emollient base, and the other side is a yummy lip balm. Give that pucker a good scrubbin', and just try not to lick the scrub side (you won't be able to refrain, trust). Now wipe off the scrub and load up on the balm. Now go flit about and try not to act surprised when you hear, "Excuse me, Miss Jolie, can I get an autograph?" (Also, Angelina? Stop it. Stop with the tattoos, stop with the baby factory, stop with the emaciation, just stop. Brad was way hotter before you ensnared him in your evil black-leather web. Jen may not be able to keep a man, but at least she's not trying to channel Elvira. Have I mentioned that the Oak Ridge Boys' "Elvira" was my FAVORITE song when I was little? Loved!)

This was the other weapon in my arsenal during the Colorado trip last month. My piehole got a good two rounds of fRxtion everyday to keep dryness and scaly bits at bay, and it kicked ass. Look at it this way: the afforability of fRxtion totally offsets the exorbitant price tag of the Glam Balm. But both are fab, and you seriously need both as we head into the season we call Winter (that toothless whore). So go get it, and scrub-and-balm away. You'll thank me. You'll also thank me when I quit being a no-count and am better about posting. Okay, I've gotta go-- a new episode of "Golden Girls" is starting. Don't ever accuse me of not having my priorities straight...